If you’ve ever had to be in a relationship with a narcissist, you’ve likely come across their secret weapon: flying monkeys. The term may sound like it’s straight out of The Wizard of Oz, but in the world of psychology, flying monkeys aren’t a fairy tale. They’re real people that narcissists use to manipulate, control, and inflict emotional damage on their victims.

In this guide, we’ll explain what flying monkeys are, how narcissists recruit them, and most importantly, how you can protect yourself. Whether you’re dealing with a narcissist in your personal life or trying to navigate a toxic work environment, understanding flying monkeys is key to regaining control and peace of mind.

WhatAreFlyingMonkeys?

Flying monkeys refer to people who are manipulated by narcissists into acting on their behalf. These individuals may not even realize they’re being used, or they may be willing participants in the narcissist’s schemes. The primary role narcissists play is to further the narcissist’s agenda, often by harassing or isolating the victim.

Narcissists can be anyone—family members, friends, colleagues, or even strangers. What makes them dangerous is their ability to amplify the narcissist’s influence by adding more voices to the chaos.

For example, imagine that you confront a narcissist about their manipulative behavior. Instead of addressing your concerns, they rally the narcissist to do their bidding. These individuals may defend the narcissist, criticize you, or spread rumors, leaving you feeling upset and confused.

Why Narcissists Need Narcissists

Narcissists crave power and control. Narcissists act as their enforcers, helping them maintain their dominance over their victims. Here’s why they rely on them:

Protecting Themselves from Accountability
Narcissists hate being exposed. By using flying monkeys, they can avoid direct confrontation while still punishing their victim. The flying monkeys act as a buffer, allowing the narcissist to maintain their image of innocence.
Manipulation and Confusion
When multiple people repeat the narcissist’s narrative, it becomes difficult for the victim to trust their own perception of reality. This manipulation tactic makes victims doubt themselves and feel isolated.
Reinforcing the Narcissist’s Delusion of Grandeur
Flying Monkeys often see the narcissist as charming, successful, or worthy of admiration. By aligning themselves with the narcissist, they inadvertently reinforce the narcissist’s inflated sense of self-worth.

Read Also: 7 Ways Narcissists Confuse You Using Circular Conversations

How Narcissists Recruit Flying Monkeys

Understanding how narcissists recruit flying monkeys can help you recognize the signs early. Here’s how they do it:

Charm and Manipulation
Narcissists are masters of manipulation. They use charm, flattery, and selective vulnerability to win people over. Narcissists are often individuals who admire or are grateful to the narcissist.

Playing the Victim
A classic tactic is for the narcissist to portray themselves as the victim. They will share a distorted version of events, and paint you as the villain. Empathetic individuals are particularly susceptible to this manipulation.

Divide and Conquer
Narcissists create divisions between you and others by spreading rumors, exaggerating conflicts, or twisting the truth. This isolates you while strengthening their control over the flying monkeys.

Preying on Vulnerabilities
Flying monkeys are often easy to manipulate because of their insecurities, lack of self-awareness, or need for validation. Narcissists exploit these loopholes to gain loyalty.

Types of Flying Monkeys

Not all flying monkeys are the same. Here are the common types and their roles:

The Loyal Defender: This person sees the narcissist as a victim and will do everything in their power to protect them. They truly believe they are doing the right thing.

The Possible: This person may not actively attack you but will turn a blind eye to the narcissist’s behavior, indirectly supporting their actions.

The Opportunist: These flying monkeys align with the narcissist for personal gain, whether it be social status, financial benefits, or favoritism.

The Unwitting Participant: This group includes people who are unaware that they are being manipulated. They spread rumors or share private information without their knowledge because they trust the narcissist.

Emotional Impact on Victims

Targeting narcissists and their pets can cause significant emotional damage. Victims often experience:

Isolation: The combined efforts of narcissists and their pets can leave you feeling alienated from friends, family, and colleagues.

Self-doubt: Constant criticism and manipulation can cause you to question your judgment and worth.

Anxiety and stress: The unpredictability of narcissists’ attacks can lead to chronic stress and emotional exhaustion.

How to Protect Yourself

Dealing with narcissists and their pets requires strategy and flexibility. Here’s how you can protect yourself:

Recognize the Signs
The first step is to identify the narcissist and their pets. Look for patterns of manipulation, manipulation, and triangulation.

Set firm boundaries
Boundaries are crucial when dealing with narcissists. Communicate clearly about the behavior you won’t tolerate and stick to your boundaries.

Limit Contact
If possible, minimize or eliminate contact with both the narcissist and the flying monkey. Use strategies like the “Grey Rock Method” to minimize emotional reactivity.

Document Everything
Keep records of interactions, including emails, messages, or incidents. These documents can be invaluable if you need to explain your side of the story.

Build a Support Network
Surround yourself with people who understand and support you. A therapist or support group can also provide valuable insights and coping strategies.

Avoid Overly Defensive
Flying monkeys often thrive on drama and emotional reactions. Instead of trying to prove your innocence to them, focus on maintaining your peace and well-being.

Why Flying Monkeys Rarely Change

It’s tempting to think you can reason with a flying monkey, but the reality is more complicated. Their loyalty to a narcissist often stems from manipulation, personal gain, or genuine admiration. Changing their perspective requires confronting uncomfortable truths, which many are unwilling to do.

Instead of trying to change them, focus on controlling what you can—your responses, your boundaries, and your own healing process.

ReclaimYourPower

Having a flying monkey in your life doesn’t mean you’re powerless. By understanding their role and taking proactive steps, you can protect yourself and rebuild your self-esteem.

Healing from a narcissist’s manipulation takes time, but every step you take toward self-awareness and resilience brings you closer to freedom.

Remember, a flying monkey may be a narcissist’s secret weapon, but your best defense is knowledge, boundaries, and a strong support system.

By prioritizing your well-being and surrounding yourself with supportive people, you can break free from the toxic cycle and regain your peace of mind.

Read more: 17 Surprising Ways You Can Fall for a Narcissist Without Knowing