First, let’s clear one thing up: you don’t break their heart with biting remarks or caustic comments. Narcissists do not experience heartbreak like normal people. You torture them by denying them the one thing they can’t live without — your predictable emotional supply.
Here are 7 ways to deny them what they want and need most in life:
- Do Not Expect Good From Them: Assume Negativity, Achieve Serenity
Expecting goodness from a toxic person will drain your life force. Always assume negativity when dealing with them — this protects your peace and makes you much harder to manipulate.
Instead of: Hoping they’ll finally remember your birthday…
- Try: Preemptively celebrating your birthday with people who actually care (and maybe a very large cake).
Result: This isn’t about being cynical; it’s about being smart. When you expect the worst, you’re never disappointed. And when you stop expecting anything good from the narcissist, you become difficult to manipulate. They can’t fool you by dangling hope or false rewards.
- Redirect Praise Away From Them: Shine the Spotlight Elsewhere
You don’t need to praise a cruel, callous person. In group settings, focus on complimenting the people you genuinely like or who truly deserve recognition, while deliberately ignoring the narcissist.
Example: The Office Meeting
The Narcissist: “My presentation was a resounding success! The client was blown away by my innovative ideas.”
Instead of praising the narcissist, you could say: “That’s great. Sarah, I was particularly impressed with the data analysis you provided for that project. It really strengthened the overall proposal.”Result: Giving praise or compliments to people who genuinely deserve it makes the narcissist feel less valued or special. In the best-case scenario, it might spark a moment of self-reflection in the narcissist — though this is rare.
- The Unpredictability Weapon: Become a Moving Target
Good people are reliable and predictable (which is certainly not a bad thing). But the narcissist twists this into a weapon against you. To disarm them, keep them guessing by changing your reactions or responses unexpectedly.
Example: Sometimes respond to their text, email, or call immediately, and other times respond much later.
Result: It is difficult to hit a moving target. Your unpredictability creates anxiety and uncertainty, making them feel less in control.
- Ignore Them (Strategically): Starve the Attention Beast
Narcissists live on your attention. Take it away, and they choke. Ignoring them in doses makes them powerless and furious — but for your safety, it must be done in small, calculated amounts if they’re highly abusive.
The best way to ignore a narcissist is simply not to be physically present in their company.
Result: The beauty of ignoring them is that you’re reclaiming your time. You’re pouring it back into yourself, your goals, and your peace. Always keep a plausible excuse ready for why you “weren’t available.”
- The Empathy Enigma: Confuse and Conquer
Twist their game by showing empathy where they don’t expect it. If they rant or play victim, acknowledge it calmly: “That must’ve been hard.”
This confuses them. It lowers their guard. And in that crack, you find space to escape or outmaneuver.
⚠ Better not reveal that you see them as the enemy. That alone makes them more dangerous.
- The Information Diet: Feed Them Scraps, Not Feasts
They weaponize whatever you give them. So, feed them scraps.
If they ask: “Where were you?”
You: “Out.”
Them: “With who?”
You: “A friend.”
Them: “Which friend?”
You (calm, polite, with hidden steel): “I appreciate your concern. But as an adult, I have the right to choose my friends. I’m sure you wouldn’t want me to feel like I’m being policed, right?”
Result: You’re polite. Unassailable. But the poison is hidden in the sugar — they feel their grip slipping.
- The Script Interruption: Ruin Their Dramatic Performance
Narcissists are like method actors, except their method is manipulation. They rehearse their lines, perfecting the guilt trip, the sob story, the grand proclamation. But you, my friend, are the director now. Time to yell “CUT!” and watch their performance crumble.
If they guilt trip: “After all I’ve done for you…”
Your Oscar-Worthy Interruption: (With a completely straight face) : “Hey, did you pay the internet bill?”
Result: Narcissists rehearse conversations like actors. When you break their script they stumble. Their performance collapses. They hate being thrown off-script.
This just scratches the surface my book goes so much deeper into the dark world of manipulators and shows you exactly how to turn the tables.
