If you can’t read people well, the modern world will eat you alive. And narcissists? They won’t just eat you alive — they’ll make you believe it was your fault for being dinner in the first place.
Sara Al madani recently shared her thoughts on narcissists, and while her experience is painfully real, her conclusion is a dangerous trap too many survivors fall into: self-blame.
Sara Al madani:
‘’Narcissists rape your soul. They are master manipulators. Artists at what they do…They’re not easy to be with. They’re crazy…..
There is a problem with me if I’m attracting them. I cannot say it’s their fault because when the mask fell after three months and they showed me who they are, I stayed. So I have a problem, too. And why am I attracted to this type of men? And why is every man in my life like that? There’s a problem. So I had to put my ego aside. And if you want to grow and learn, you don’t grow by saying, he’s bad, she’s bad, he’s bad. How am I changing if I’m pointing fingers? I will only change if I point the finger at me. Where is my problem?”Let’s dissect this self-reflection, shall we?
It’s a veritable buffet of self-blame with a side of questionable logic — and if you’ve ever been through narcissistic abuse, you’ve probably served yourself the same dish at some point.
1.“There is a problem with me if I’m attracting them.”
Ah, yes, the classic “I’m a magnet for jerks” theory. Because clearly, radiating some sort of invisible jerk-attracting pheromone is a more plausible explanation than, say, statistical probability or the fact that jerks, sadly, exist in abundance — and they target women who have what they want: money, empathy, belief in goodness.
Perhaps we should market this pheromone? Eau de Jerk: the new fragrance for the self-flagellating woman.
- “I cannot say it’s their fault because when the mask fell… I stayed.”
So, the fault lies not with the person wearing the mask, but with the person who didn’t flee the moment it dropped? This is like blaming someone for getting robbed because they didn’t teleport away the second they saw the thief.
Staying in an unhealthy relationship is complicated — it often involves emotional entanglement, fear, trauma bonds, or hope for change. It doesn’t make you a co-conspirator in your own mistreatment.
- “And why am I attracted to this type of men? And why is every man in my life like that?”
Dramatic much? Every man? Has she dated every single man on Earth? This is hyperbole with a side of over-generalization.
A better question might be: “Why are there so many thieves in my life, and how do they convince me to let them into my house and start stealing?”
- “I had to put my ego aside.”
Because apparently, holding people accountable for their actions is the same thing as having a massive ego.
Newsflash: recognizing that people are responsible for their evil actions isn’t ego — it’s wisdom.
- “If you want to grow… you don’t grow by saying he’s bad, she’s bad.”
Well, Sara, you can’t heal from abuse while still protecting the abuser’s reputation like it’s your cousin’s bakery.
Growth isn’t about playing hot potato with blame — it’s about correctly identifying the damn firestarter so you don’t keep running into burning buildings.
Also, pointing fingers is literally how we build justice systems. Victims aren’t “stuck” for naming evil — they’re finally waking up.
Sometimes, other people really are just bad, and recognizing that is a vital part of growth.
Bonus Round: Cultural Blindspot
Let’s talk context. Many Pakistani/Indian women don’t freely choose their husbands. They’re pushed into arranged marriages with men they barely know, or pressured by family into silence when abuse begins.
But sure, Sara — let’s go with: “Maybe their chakra frequency was off that day.”
Here’s the hard truth, Sara:
You’re being targeted because:
You’re attractive.
You have money.
You believe in the goodness of people.
You are emotionally starving — there isn’t enough real love in your life. And when someone is starving, junk food (or people) look irresistible.This is why the robbers keep showing up. They can smell it.
So sharpen your radar for predators — because there are plenty of them roaming around, hunting for empathetic, successful women to exploit. And remember: the problem is not that you’re “attracting” them.
The problem is that they exist, and they see you as prey. Your job now is to make sure you’re the kind of prey that bites back.
If you want to become the kind of prey that’s impossible to hunt, read Psychological Warfare: The Ultimate Guide to Outsmarting Manipulators. It’s not theory — it’s a street-tested survival manual for the modern jungle.
